This was posted July 2017 while I studied abroad in Australia, as a post grad and mid year reflection. A lot of what I wrote then is still relevant now, and I wanted to share this with my readers.
“I am learning everyday to allow the space between where I am and where I want to be, to inspire me not terrify me.”
An update, self reflection, and gratitude post for those of you curious:
My word for 2017 was “blossom,” and halfway through the year, I wanted to take note of my progress thus far. I entered the year with the intention of tending to the flower I am becoming, first planted as a seed, carefully watered and taken care of, as I watched myself grow despite rough terrains and harsh weather patterns. As this is all symbolic of my ongoing journey of becoming a better version of me.
I found myself at odds with the person I was becoming, as well as the person I am today. It came to the point of questioning my values and beliefs, leading to decisions that were done with the best intentions for both parties. So yes, people entered and left my life, but it’s all done with purpose and at times, stumbled upon by chance. Yet, I am grateful for each and every person, past and present, who continues to keep me accountable for my dreams and aspirations.
At this halfway point, I want to recognize that I have so much time to grow, to explore, and to show appreciation to the earth and my loved ones. As I transition to a more minimal, cruelty free and spiritually involved lifestyle, I think of why I want to pursue this: for the ultimate goal of feeling genuinely happy and content.
Post grad life, however, has been swaying me away from the type of person I want to become. Currently, as I’m studying abroad, I’ve found myself becoming materialistic, ethically unconscious and spiritually unattached once again. I made progress back in America in leaving that previous lifestyle but felt as if I began to throw it away while here in Australia. But I do not want to blame my environment, rather I want to acknowledge that I’m currently learning how to apply my lifestyle goals abroad and that in the process, I may make mistakes. I already have, if anything.
Nonetheless, mistakes are not definitive of my character. They open my heart and soul to lessons that help me tend to the flower I am becoming, a delicate one, but strong enough to withstand the difficulties in staying alive.
Living abroad for the past 6 weeks has also made me realize that this is not where I want it to end; there’s a vast array of places in this world that deserve the recognition, for its land, its culture, and its people. I’ve been enjoying my interactions with the locals, especially learning about the Aboriginal hxstory here. Having participated in a smoking ceremony, visited various NAIDOC events, and learnt from fellow Aboriginal people here in Sydney, I feel honoured to be educated about these topics and will now incorporate a more intentional mindset when traveling (compared to sightseeing to get things checked off my “list”)
But before even thinking of post grad traveling, I find myself coming back to the question of what I want to with my degree, what type of work I’d see myself in, and what I feel will give my life and other peoples’ lives, meaning. I know that if I wanted more “security,” I could have continued with the pre-health path that I spent my time with during undergrad. What troubles me is that I knew, deep inside, that it wasn’t what I really wanted. I did those things out of persuasion from others rather than the validation from myself knowing it was what I wanted. Books like “A Job to Love” and “The More is Less,” podcasts from “The Minimalists” and “Lavendaire” and even classes on happiness and purpose have slowly been helping me figure out what it is that I truly want. Though I’m still in this awkward limbo of job hunting while being abroad, I find myself persevering through it all.
And so, I find myself here in Sydney, Australia, fulfilling a dream that I wanted to achieve for so long, when the past me was too fearful of it never happening. Knowing this, I feel more at ease with the unknown, with the future that is so uncertain yet so bright. Here’s to the rest of 2017: a time for me to blossom, to hold healthy promises for the future, to flourish, and to grow into a better person every day.