I feel empowered and rejuvenated with a new hair style.
No matter what time you met me in my life, chances are you knew me with long or medium length hair. There are a few reasons why I never wanted short hair on me, and I could list them for you right now:
1) Short hair is a big change. I didn’t want change. Change is… frightening.
2) My hair is thin, so I always feared that having less hair would cause my hair to stick to my face, thus looking quite unattractive.
3) My ears are big, so having short hair would emphasize them more (this was a huge reason when I was self conscious of my ears).
.4) My hair is also naturally wavy. Usually my medium/short hair always curled at the ends and didn’t look nice to me.
So the solution to all of these insecurities, cons, or whatever you may call them, seemed obvious, right? Keep your hair long, Eril.
But guess who went against that piece of advice?
I had pretty long hair all throughout my time in school – elementary, middle school, high school and even college. Though when I think about it, I did have short hair at one point when I had semi bobs or shoulder length straight cut hair, but never have I had it the way I cut it this time. I am partially shaved – not full on bald like an undercut, but I don’t have long hair in the back anymore. That’s wild and out of the ordinary for me. It’s new.
Are you wondering what prompted this “spontaneous” decision? There are several circumstances that led to me to this point, but rest assure that none of them are bad~
First off, I am growing confidence in the way my face looks.
Essentially, I didn’t want to hide behind my hair anymore. Long/medium hair while having it down was not just my lazy tactic of styling, but it was an indirect way of not showing my face. I hated tying my hair up and was self conscious of my facial shape and ears growing up. (I was actually self conscious about way more, but you get my point). This summer has been a major turning point in my self growth and self love journey, and one of the results that came from these circumstances was the boost of confidence in my face.
With shorter hair, I can embrace the small details of my face. My eyes have opened up, my smile can shine brighter than before, and I can look at who I am in the mirror and tell myself more confidently that I love who I see and that I am so proud of her.
Now, I told myself that after my best friend’s wedding, I would cut my hair. She got married a few weeks ago, so obviously I procrastinated… heh. But although my friends knew I was planning this, they didn’t know how short to expect it. The ones who have seen it are surprised with how short it became (some of them still haven’t even seen it in person!). This will be a fun catching up session.
I am reclaiming myself.
To reclaim myself, I have to focus more on being the person I want to be, not the person people tell me I’m supposed to be.
Let me try to clarify what I mean. I feel that I have always been defined by others telling me who I am and what I can and cannot be. As a way of responding to this, I see cutting my hair as a liberating experience of taking charge and ownership of my body and image. I am reclaiming what I feel to be “feminine,” what I feel to be comfortable, and what I feel to be me.
In addition to what I previously stated, I also felt as if taking care of my hair was a hassle that distracted me from the more important things in my life. Eliminating that worry has helped me regain the focus needed for my own agenda. Reclaiming myself means reclaiming my time, the time needed to cultivate my passions and the personal brand I’m establishing.
Lastly, I am ready for change.
And I mean pretty monumental change (to me at least). As I continue on, each and every day, I am thinking of what my purpose is in the world and what I have to offer. I am investing in myself, in the things and the people I love. I am ready to catapult myself into change that I have been avoiding, because my change affects my growth and my growth affects my impact. I think often of what I am capable of and always second guess myself, thus never acting on what I believe to be possible. That changes now.
And here I am, ready to embrace the change that is me.
Welcome to whiteroseteaa.
[Originally published August 24, 2018. This blog post was reposted from my old wix site, also hosted at http://erilm.com]